When your wife is expecting a baby in about 5 weeks, as a man and the father of the child, you must go out and buy a ton of large-sized cactus.
Enough to fill your truck bed to the brim. So much cactus that it takes several men to load the truck. Never mind that it will be just you unloading it.
And be sure to buy one large, somewhat phallic-shaped, extremely sharp & pokety cactus that took 5 men to load into the truck. Like this:
And let’s not forget the 4 foot tall saguaro that weights a good 70 pounds and has lots of sharp edges.
And remember, your wife cannot help you much with lifting anything more than a glass of water these days. So be sure to get enough cactus ( and large-sized cactus at that), so that you may put your back out demonstrating to the neighbors how manly you are.
Because you are so MANLY. Hear you roar! After all, you’re expecting a baby too! You gotta prepare.
Final cactus tally:
- 3 ocotillos
- 1 saguaro, 4 feet in height
- 1 saguaro, 1 foot in height
- some small cactus the wife picked out for pots
- the cereus cactus (see above photo)
- two large containers of red yucca (probably containing at least 10 plants in each)
Up next week: Reorganizing the tool shed so le bebe will know where to find a screwdriver. You know, in case he/she decides to dismantle the changing table and put it back together. For fun.